New Beginnings: My Year of Living Selfily

Yes, I know. Really I do. Selfily is not really a word. But as 2026 begins, with ice and snow blanketing much of the North, it is the best descriptor of how I want to live my life over the next twelve months. After over two decades of motherhood, much of which was undertaken as a single parent, I feel I have given so much of myself into that role, and while I have no regrets about that, my children being such an integral and important part of my world, I also feel, now that they are adults and at university, it is time for me to start prioritising my own needs before those of everyone else around me. It is time for me to start living life as I want to live it, not how I think I should be living it.

Initially, I described this as being my year of living selfishly, but it was one of my sisters who called me out on that, largely because she knows I cannot be completely selfish when it comes to the choices I make in life. My children’s needs are always going to be a priority, as are those of my parents, particularly given the challenges my mother has faced with her health over the last few years. But when I think about what I should be doing, I want to replace that instead with what I want to be doing – or what I want to be doing to ensure my own health and happiness going forward. And the two things I want to be doing more than anything else at this moment of my life, are writing, and travelling, while at the same time being open to all of the wonderful possibilities life has to offer me.

The start of a new year seems as good as time as any to put my new philosophy of living selfily into the frame. And with a stunning wolf moon, shining the brightest of light in the midst of the beguiling stars in the inky black skies of Northumberland, it was also the best of times to set my intentions for how I want to live my life as I embrace a year of living selfily. I began with booking myself in for an energy cleanse with a local healer. I don’t know much about more spiritual methods of healing, but as someone who is an adherent to a meditation practice, and who knows how beneficial looking inwards can be, I wanted to open myself to the possibility it might be able to offer something.

I went to see a local lady called Mel, who extols the benefits of energy cleanses and the need to clear out negative energy from your body. I might be something of a sceptic when it comes to this sort of healing, but I went into my appointment with an open mind, and an open heart. If nothing else, I would get to relax and shut out the world for a short time, and let my mind take flight to wherever it wished to go.

As the session began, Mel asked me to think about what I wanted to get from the session. The thoughts drifting into my head were all about being open to possibility, especially to all of the joy life has to offer. My marital breakdown has dominated my life for so long now: I have been so busy trying to protect my family, while at the same time protecting my own heart, that I have become almost hermit-like, determined never to expose myself to that kind of pain ever again. To open myself to possibility, however, requires letting go of my past, and the pain that still tethers me to that past. As the hypnotic calming of music played gently in the background, Mel’s words suggested letting go, and as the tension fled from my body, I allowed myself to relax.

Although there was minimal touching involved, when Mel’s hands came close to my body, or pressed in to certain pressure points, I could feel a soothing warmth flowing though them, especially as my eyes were closed and my other senses were more highly attuned. The smoky scent of lavender and something herbal floated around me, and my mind drifted off. I let the images in my head coalesce into some sort of montage, meaningless to anyone else, but potent and purposeful to me: a memory of my grandfather, the warmth in his eyes filled with love and pride. Then, with an almost startling clarity, an image of a character I have only just begun to imagine for a future novel appeared in my mind. Clad in a burnished armour, brandishing a sword, she held it aloft in the night sky, pointing it towards a luminous full moon, my queen of the night that I hope to write one day.

The session concluded, and though Mel warned me I would be tired, I was somewhat surprised by just how exhausted I felt that afternoon. But when I went to bed that evening, for the first time in many days, I slept all night, without waking at 3am with a racing mind. And when I awoke the next morning, I truly did feel energised, waking with a feeling of renewal and a sense of purpose, almost like emerging from jetlag.

And so my year of living selfily begins, a year where I pledge to be aware of my own needs, acknowledging that I need to give those needs time and space, while also recognising that I can give myself permission to explore them.

I’ll be taking January slowly. This morning, I walked with my dog under a vast blue sky, over a scattering of snow, as though I was walking on icing sugar dusted over the landscape. I wasn’t even far from home, but it felt as if the world was all before me. I felt grounded and purposeful as I thought about how I want to spend my year of living sefily. I feel so very positive about the possibilities this year could bring. It could be one of my most exciting and interesting years yet.